Super Mario World Speedrunning Wiki:General disclaimer
DISCLAIMER: By beginning to speedrun this game, you will begin to feel a sense of accomplishment as you begin setting PB's, which will slowly be replaced with a sense of incompetence as you begin to choke runs with increasing frequency!! Side effects from running this game may include, but are not limited to:
- The inability to play SMW casually. - The inability to sit idly and watch someone else play SMW. - The ability to not only understand the following copypastas, but the maddening desire to create some yourself.
Area51's Origin Story
Aaron was born with concrete bones and titanium skin. Every morning he blasts off with his rocket legs, and every afternoon he picks up buildings with his super arms. At night, he lies awake benching 10,000 pounds until his Muscle Milk puts him to sleep.
We observe today not a personal best, but a celebration of speedruns -- symbolizing an end, as well as a beginning -- signifying renewal, as well as change. For I have sworn before you and Almighty Menboo the same solemn oath our forebearers prescribed nearly a century of resets ago. The Super Mario World is very different now. For man holds in his mortal hands the SNES controller to abolish all forms of dinosaur poverty and all forms of mushroom life. And yet the same revolutionary beliefs for which our forebears fought are still at issue around the globe -- the belief that the rights of plebs come not from the generosity of Nintendo, but from the hand of RetroBob
Our menboo in japan, hallowed be your name. your kingdom come, your will be done, on nicovideo, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our WRs, and forgive us our game saving, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into splicing, but deliver us from Volpe. Amen.
RetroBob Super Bowl
RetroBob stepped up to the plate. it was the bottom of the 9th and the New York Rangers needed a slam dunk to win the Super Bowl. RetroBob readied his curling broom and the bowler delivered the puck. Just as RetroBob was about to swing all the spaghetti fell out of his pocket. RetroBob missed and went home in shame, but ready to train for the next season of BASEketball
As Aaron stepped up to the meager folding chair provided for him in front of his TV, complete with the super nintendo hooked up to it, he felt prepared. he had trained ruthlessly for the agdq bowl, the final race of the speedrunning season, and he was not planning on going home defeated and ashamed, as others before him had. however, as he saw the piercing eyes of his opponents, he knew that this race would not be easy, and that he had to use a secret, taught to him by a speedrunner like him. he proceeded to race walk to the nearest convenience store, and caught many strange glares and glances both at the register and on his way out. as his opponents saw what he was doing, they cringed in astonished fear, as he proceeded to cover his thumbs in bacon grease, all in preparation for the high possibility that the shell jump could be the only possibility of him winning this race
Dram Strim (emotional!!)
10 years since dram strim. I walk through the empty streets trying to think of something else but my path always leads to the stream. i stare at the screen for hours and try to summon the lord. i watch other asian grils streaming but it is no good. i flame linkdead in his channel and try to resist the nazi mods but it is all meaningless. the end is near. i then usually watch some old dram vods and cry myself to sleep.
Link stepped out onto his porch one morning, drinking his mushroom coffee, only to behold the terrifyingly glorious sight that is known only as "truman". truman dashed towards his bicycle at P speed, holding his controller tightly, thumbs shining in the morning light with the glare of bacon grease. as he ran confidently, link knew something was wrong. upon seeing him jump, link knew that truman was bound for disaster, as he had pressed the A button far too early. he crushed his testicles on the back end of his bicycle, and fell to the ground grumbling "gotta get fast yoshi. gotta get fast yoshi, dammit." repeatedly. as he limped painfully back to the corner mumbling "i hate resetting" link knew it was going to be one entertaining morning in the mushroom kingdom.
Just ACE Problems
Obama stepped up to the podium "ACE is the worst problem this nation ever faced", he said and looked at his cheat sheet, "little do the people on the streets know... but we have inside information that Jason "Trumez" Truman actually caused 9/11, he used ACE in an Atari game called "Super Akbahr World" to hack himself into the plane's navigation system, but this is just the tip of the iceberg, he streams european left-wing communist propaganda on a website known as 4chan and actively advises people to use illegal soccer techniques" Obama then puts on a dead serious face saying "the damage caused by Jayson T. is as big as 20 Quadrillion $, we have sent a highly trained group of 4 dinosaurs to stop him" , right as he finished the sentence the crowd started yelling things like "down with truman" "I never really liked his runs anyway" and "even reze is better at smw than truman"
Does Panga Exist
Has anyone actually, you know, met Panga? I envision him spending most of his days in a padded cell. The few hours he gets "play time" are spent on a computer making hacks that rival his level of insanity. Only when he creates a hack that no runner can beat, even with infinite lives, will his madness subside. By beating this hack, the runner is actually sentencing Panga to suffer through even more soul wrenching madness. It is not the life he wanted or deserved but it is the only life he knows.
Still a Better Love Story Than Twilight
It was a nice summer day, Aaron was walking home to stream more Kaizo Mario. He passed by a lot of people, but no one noticed him. Deep inside, he had always wanted someone to notice him passionately. Someone to love him. Aaron walked into his house, to find the doors, surprisingly, unlocked, with the lights all turned off. He turned on the lights, and walked into the kitchen. “I’m fucking thirsty!” he yelled at the top of his lungs, as he grabbed a monster energy. Aaron walked up the stairs, into his room. He had it decorated with mario knick-knacks. But, more importantly, he had his shrine to Truman-Senpai sitting on the other side of the room, opposite of the door. Everyday, Aaron would look at his small little temple, and think of his Senpai. The only person he loved. After he sat, and collected his thoughts, Aaron went to go stream. He was surprised to find someone sitting in his chair. “Is this...no, it can’t be Truman-Chan.” Aaron looked over at the shadowy figure. Only to find that it was indeed Truman-Senpai. He walked up to the chair, to find Truman going through all the selfies of Aaron. “Truman Senpai, w-what are you doing?” Truman jumped at the sound of Aaron’s voice. “I-I wanted to see you so badly that I snuck in and started going through your stuff Aaron Senpai. Please forgive me.” Aaron was overcome with joy, and grabbed a hold of Truman. They kept each other in embrace until the night was finally over.
Who is Panga?
His YouTube name is PangaeaPanga. I assume this isn’t his real name, but maybe it is. Whatever the case, PangaeaPanga is an accomplished video game speedrunner, and we should all hope to one day lack the responsibilities he does, so we too can successfully play video games blindfolded. You could watch this grown man play a video game blindfolded in 23 minutes, and marvel at his ability to clear the game. Or, you could go out on this Wednesday morning and start learning a new language, start growing a garden, volunteer, or read a book.